Go Away

She couldn’t sleep, no matter how much she tried. Tormented, but composed. There’s no terror, just an inability to rest. Her eyes were open, bleary and wide; a feat made far more impressive by the weight of her sleep deprivation. Moonlight breaks over the top of her curtains, allowing a glimmer of light to illuminate her bedroom. Not enough to end the darkness, but enough to inflame her restlessness. Her arms wrapped tightly around a pillow, pulling it in close to her chest. Pressing her face against it to drown out the last remaining light, her sleepy watering eyes are dried, but the pillows comfort brings no relief. Rolling to her side hugging the pillow tight she stares into the darkness left in her bedroom. The hum of electrical appliances on standby breaks the silence in a calming white noise, yet it does nothing to rest her head. Thoughts of todays and tomorrows spiral with no logic. Yawn after yawn, her jaw is stretched from the exhaustion and her mind begins to plead. Ever so softly and under her breath, she dares to speak.

“Go away”

In the quiet of her bedroom whispers bounce off the walls, booming out much louder than she expected. Though she may be alone with no-one there to wake; she prefers to whisper, just in case. Whispers don’t disturb the silence of the room too much and if she’s quiet she won’t wake any sleeping monsters. She has enough on her mind, keeping her from the peace she desperately craves. Plans and preparations for days to come and over analysing days that have past. Jumping from one day to the next, unable to calm her over active mind. She doesn’t want to think, the time for that has passed, but typically her mind rebels. Waiting till the world around has been switched off, then pouncing with a restless resolve to keep her from slumber. It’s safer for her to be quiet and not to fall too deep into the rabbit holes of her tired logic. Who knows what monsters may be disturbed by tugging on the wrong string, by being too loud. Softly she breathes in the courage to speak and gently lets the words fall from her lips as she exhales.

“Go away”

Her bed creeks as she rolls from one side to the other. Moving slowly till comfortable, but it’s not long before she falls back to the place she started. It doesn’t matter where she lays her head or how her body sinks into the mattress; there’s no rest, there’s still no sleep. Restless and frustrated, her pleading comes through gritted teeth. Angry with herself, with the world, with whoever is there to listen.

“Go away”

She’s not quite sure who she’s talking to. It could be the monsters she’s afraid to wake, the silence she’s afraid to disturb, or the loneliness she’s afraid to admit. Those two words are all she’s able; all she’s brave enough to say. Softly repeated throughout the night, pleading for release. She hopes speaking the words might be enough for sleep to come. She doesn’t expect a reply, but she dreams that one night she might hear a faded whisper. A misheard echo that could silence the torments in her head. Drifting to sleep with a calm soothing voice that simply says

“Okay”

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