Musical Apology

On By Cameron D HamiltonIn Poetry

 

I’ve never been on the cutting edge

I’ve never followed popular trends

I’ve never immersed myself in the history

I just know what I like

My tastes are stuck in a bygone age

Way before I was even born

In youth I amassed a grand playlist

Today it gathers dust

CD’s, LP’s, digitally

Freely choosing to ignore this art form

Creating a musical ignorance

 

 

Me and music have a bad history

It used to surround my life

But then I grew up

Then I saw true reality

Love won love lost

Friends found friends gone

The cruelty of life

The scars and wounds

Then all music done was remind me

Of all those wonderful moments

Those cherished memories

Now turned sour

 

 

I don’t blame music

It’s not done anything wrong

This is all in my head

Nostalgia through a cracked filter

I still love what I love

I just can’t listen to it

At least not for very long

 

 

I abandoned its poetic melody

Gave up its electric rhyme

Replaced with spoken word

Audio books, podcasts

New words untarnished by my life

New bands come, old bands go

The music remains and changes for the age

I can’t judge or argue that new music is bad

I hear it but I don’t listen

Yet the sounds that are used are familiar

Even though I don’t know the artist

Don’t know the song titles or lyrics

They still have the power to take me back

Back to somewhere I don’t want to go

Somewhere I don’t think I ever belonged

 

 

If I make a musical faux pas

Please don’t judge me harshly

I’d like to learn and celebrate this art

But I cant, I wont, It’s not for me

It was once upon a time

But that fairy tale is long over

I live a full life without it

I’ve no regrets in lacking this knowledge

My only concern is looking a fool

Music brings people together

Beating hearts feeling each note

I may be ignorant and scared of it

But I know it means something

Even if I don’t even listen anymore

I still know it means something

 

 

I don’t know if it’s the instruments

Or the song writers lyrics

But there’s always a trigger hidden

Different words different artists

Different tarnished memories

I just want to forget

Music doesn’t seem to let me

I still love what I love

I just can’t listen to it

At least not for very long

The musical world passes me by

The lore and journey of poetic souls

Tragically ignored

 

 

If my lack of knowledge

If my lack of taste

If my silly mistakes

Changes your opinion of me

Know it’s only a small part

That my choice to abandon music

Was purely one of defence

That I’m sorry

And if you’re patient

If we take it slow

If you hold my hand

If we can make new memories

I might be ready

To listen

Once more

 

 

 

Cameron D Hamilton 09/08/2016

 

Inspired by a recent conversation I had about bands that highlighted my sheer ignorance of music.  I would love to be able to listen again and this poem is a ode to that longing and an explanation of why I could let something as beautiful as music leave my life.  I often wonder if anyone else feels this way with music.

Anyway, I hope you lovely readers enjoy this piece!

16 thoughts on “Musical Apology”

  1. Eric

    “Nostalgia through a cracked filter” is one of the best lines I think I’ve read…maybe ever. I, too, suffer from cracked-filter nostalgia (we should totally make a fake Wiki page about that). This was a powerful, moving piece.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Thank you so much!!! I do like that line, it’s such a throw away but I pretty much describes everything in a lovely suscinct way.
      I’m really glad you liked this, it’s a real personal admission and insight into my broken head.
      (cracked filter nostalgia, a medical condition that makes viewing cherished memories painful. It’s originated in photographers as a psychological side effect of taking too many photos but now manifests in the general public due to immediate camera access)

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        1. Ahaha. I’ll throw a draft together at some point over the next few days. I keep inventing homework for myself, I have far too much unfinished ideas.
          I think it’s time to break out the whiteboard and make a to do list
          fake wiki page
          Five random poems
          Short story series
          Next week’s blog theme
          The hooker … 😉😄😂

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply

            1. I’d love to but the girl I get makes me sign a non disclosure agreement. It’s probably better that way…

              “What’s that…no I’m not talking about you, im talking about that guy down at the beach who collects seaweed with massive hooks.”

              …Ahahaha 😄

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  5. It’s a shame that all that’s posted on here from me are test comments from our comment issue. I love this piece so much. Music conjures emotion. Emotion conjures memory. And memory often times, hurts. But you have to live to love another day and let music creep back in. It’s much too beautiful to leave behind forever. But that could just be the music addict in me talking 🙂

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  6. Ahahahaha!!!

    Well it’ll always be a reminder of time and date when WordPress wasn’t working. It’s still not fixed, maybe something will happen next week.

    I really like this piece, it’s a great insight into a pain that music inflicts unintentionally.
    It’s also a poem of crossroads analysing the past and wanting to more on and regain something tragically lost.

    It’s always lovely to hear you enjoy this ❤

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