The bus is late. Again. I like my bed. If it was up to me I’d live there. An extra five minutes is the best feeling in the morning. If I knew the bus was going to be late I could have relaxed, not rushed around getting ready. I don’t even know why I go to so much effort, no-one even seems to notice, well no-one I want to. I can’t wait till I’m finished with these driving lessons. I don’t know why I find it so had, it’s not like I’m not motivated. Who wants to rely on public transport all the time? If it actually ran on time it would be great but I have a better chance of falling into the water drainage grate and ending up in a world ran by mole people who would make me their queen. It’s not all bad, at least it’s not raining this morning and there is one good part about getting the bus into work every day. If I’m very lucky I get to see him.
He’s always on the bus before me; he gets on at an earlier stop and always seems to take the same seat. We all have our little quirks I suppose. I’ve got one too always taking the seat in front of him, although that might not be a quirk. My subconscious takes over and I want to sit close, hoping maybe he’ll notice. He’s different from everyone else on the bus. It’s the hats, when everyone else wears a baseball cap or one of those douchey trilbies; he rocks something that looks like it’s pulled out of the forties. It’s a good look and it’s hard not to notice in the normal bus banality. He’s even got different colours for different outfits, it’s quite adorable. I like a man who knows how to dress himself. I wonder how many he actually has; I bet you he’s one of those guys that have a hat rack by his front door. I’ve always thought about telling him his hats are awesome but I’m always too scared. I’m sure if I turned around in my seat and said something he’d talk back but I don’t want to interrupt him, he looks at peace. If he has half the stress I have at my work I don’t want to disturb the few moments of peace before the storm. Sometimes I catch him looking up, I pretend not to see and quickly take my seat. I get that weird feeling in my stomach if our eyes meet, I don’t even know him but he doesn’t need to do much to get my heart racing. I don’t even know if he’s looking at me, I hope so, It would be nice to think that someone likes the way I’ve done my hair, or the outfit I’ve chosen. It’s not like I don’t get compliments, just not from the people I want to compliment me, just not from him.
He’s always in a world of his own; it looks like a peaceful world. Sometimes gazing out the window, sometimes on his phone but always lost in his thoughts. I wonder if I’m one of them. Wishful think I know but he’s cute, no-one’s going to judge me. It’s all in my head after all. He’s got this sort of suave laid back attitude, very relaxed, happily daydreaming. I don’t see a lot of that in the morning, everyone I see at work always looks so stressed. He must have a great job, or maybe he’s still half asleep. His eyes are a little dreamy. It’s always really disappointing if he’s not there, I look forward to seeing what hat he’s wearing. I don’t see him smile that often but sometimes I catch one. Smiling to himself about something he’s thought about, or whatever he’s listening to. I can’t help but wonder what goes on in that scruffy head of his. He makes me smile every morning, I can’t help it. Seeing him there and seeing that empty seat in front of him, all of a sudden this nervous smile breaks out on my face. I’m really not one of those smiley people and I don’t know why I keep doing it. Well I do, but you know what I mean. He never seems nervous or anxious, do I?
There are some days when my regular seat has already been taken. It takes me by surprise, at this time in the morning I’m usually on auto pilot. It doesn’t bother me, especially when the seat behind my hat wearing mystery man is free. There’s a weird thing I’ve noticed, when the sun hits the window just right you can see a reflection of the person in front of you. I’d never noticed that before, or maybe I had and whoever was in front of me didn’t interest me. It’s a little strange. I try not to look but I don’t get the chance to really see him, so I always up stealing a look. It feels really weird, it’s not pervy or anything, but it feels a bit sordid. It makes me feel a little naughty, like you’re spying on someone, not that I learn anything useful. I don’t sit behind him often, I like being able to see those eyes or catch a rare smile, but it’s way too weird to do all the time. Does doing this break any social taboos, it definitely doesn’t feel right but at the same time he’s really cute. I don’t even know his name and here I am trying to look deep into his eyes through a reflection. I really do question my common sense at times, but I bet he’s got a great name. I wonder if he’s ever noticed that I’ve been checking him out and I really wonder if he does the same. He’s sat behind me practically every day, if the roles were reversed I think I’d end up doing it quite a lot. Of course I don’t even know if he notices me, it would be nice if he did. I don’t think I’d mind if he was looking at me through a reflection. I’ve got this really bizarre contradiction in my head. Whenever I see his through the reflection I feel like I’m doing something wrong, but if he were to do it then it would be sweet. It stuck with me to the point where I started doing some silly things to grab his attention.
I never mean to, but whenever I see someone’s phone shimmer in the sunlight or something colourful loads on the screen up my eye is automatically drawn to it. I think we’re all the same and it happens all time when you’re on the bus. Trying to take advantage of that, I may have started writing him messages on my phone, just in case he’s reading over my shoulder. It was an utterly stupid idea, writing to him using my phones notepad hoping he’d see it. Silly stuff like “Hi, I like your hat” and “If you can read this say hello”, I even wrote down my phone number. Nothing ever happened, maybe he didn’t see. The text is pretty small; he probably isn’t even looking anyway. It would be fun if it worked, if he saw my number and we started texting on the bus. I’d be so afraid to turn around, but it never happens. Nothing ever happens. I got really curious one morning and started using the front camera on my phone, pretending to fix my hair. I just wanted to see if he was looking. It was really dumb but sort of thrilling; I’ve no idea what I would have done if he caught me. Imagine if he started waving. Oh it’s making my skin crawl with embarrassment. I’m not like this, I’m not some infatuated teenage girl, but I keep acting like one. It’s a little annoying but I can’t help myself, he brings out a part of me I thought was gone. I think I’ve been single for a bit too long.
It’s hard to throw out signs you like someone when you’re on the bus. There’s an audience of undesirables to contend with. If you’re at a pub or a club no-one cares they’re too wrapped up in their own plans to be concerned with yours. I really just want to slap him over the back of the head and tell him to ask me out. That might a little too forward. I’ve never been that kind of woman that can just go up to a man and tell him I’m interested. I like to be chased, wooed, courted. I really just want him to notice and say something because that’s the way it’s meant to be. Is it just me being shy or am I hiding under traditional gender roles. Surely other women feel the same; he’s meant to take the lead. I’m being silly here, there’s nothing wrong with me saying hello. It’s not like I’m going to give him the wrong idea, I want him to have ideas. Oh but what if he’s boring, what if we don’t get on. I can’t worry about things like that, how will I find out if we don’t speak, what’s the worst that can happen? I’m going to be driving soon, fingers crossed, even if he’s not the man for me I’ll not need to see him again. I really hope he is, being single is boring. It’s about time I meet someone different.
When the bus finally arrives he’s not in his regular seat. It takes me a moment to find him but all I have to find is the hat in the crowd. I had that pang of disappointment thinking her wasn’t here today but there he is, a little further back than usual but he’s here. I’m a little annoyed that people have stolen our regular seats, but it’s a bus it’s to be expected. I’ve no idea why it’s so busy, it explains why the bus was late but it’s packed this morning. I scan over the bus as I pay for my ticket, looking for any sign of an empty row. No such luck for me this morning. I really don’t like sitting beside random strangers, I’m sure I’m not the only one. Walking up the narrow isle I look around for a seat I’d be comfortable with. With each step I get closer and closer to where he’s sitting. Should I? I don’t know, even though thought of it has my heart racing. I actually really want to, but I’m scared. It’s that excited sort of scared that has all the hairs on the back of your neck twitching. He’s on his phone not paying attention to anything around him. If I sit down he probably wouldn’t even notice, he’d just think it was some random person encroaching on his space. I wonder if he’d mind, I’m a nice person when I want to be. Each step I take I change my mind, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no and I’m at his row. If there was ever a heart over head moment it’d this. My foot landed on a no in my head but my heart overruled and I practically threw myself down on the seat. He froze, at least I think he did, does he know it’s me?
As the bus continues on its journey, he takes off his earphones and looks up. We look into each other’s eyes and I can see he’s shocked, it’s beyond adorable. I’m not making this up in my head, he’s genuinely happy I sat down beside him. Mouth agape I actually think he’s speechless. I can’t believe how cute this is, I can’t help but smile. In that moment all I can think to say is “Hi”…
If you liked this side of the story you can check out ‘his’ point of view here: The Morning Bus