Return

[Today was not a good day. I went back to work and I lasted all of ten minutes before the panic took over and I had to leave. I wrote this on the bus on the way back home.]

 

They watch my return

With pitying eyes

My stomach starts to churn

trying not to cry

 

I know they don’t care

I’m beyond hope

These emotions aren’t fair

Not sure I can cope

 

I don’t want to be here, have I made a big mistake

I return, but I’m not sure if i’ll be able to remain

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14 thoughts on “Return

  1. That’s so deep. At times, I too feel like that. Nevertheless, life is beautiful and we already have so many blessings. There’s so much to cheer up on, that I feel no time for lamenting.
    Smile and all your worries will go away.

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    1. I think the best description is work related stress. I had a bit of a breakdown a couple weeks ago after a manager basically taunted me for being depressed and pushed all the right buttons. Cut to today, first day back and I freak out. Not fun and really unexpected, I mean I know I’m not exactly happy there but this was new.
      It’s nothing serious but I’m still concerned.
      I actually took a page out of your book and walked down the harbour to the beach to calm down. There was this adorable duck family, a mother a three ducklings. I couldn’t get decent photos from my phone though.

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  2. Emma Beane

    I played that scenario many times – at one point took a 6-week LOA – I had a tough time putting names to faces when I returned – I lasted about another year but my next eval wouldn’t have been glowing, based solely on my attendance (or lack of it) — I eventually took disability retirement (but I had a pension to lean on as well as the SS…) — I encourage you to stand fast to your ultimate survival – change jobs if it helps –
    I moved around the agency for greener pastures within the same framework & that always helped… ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ultimately that’s the plan, I don’t want to leave i like my job but the people I work for kill me. Thanks for the encouragement and support. It’s extremely appreciated right now!! It’s terrible so many of us have to go through it. I long for the day where I find something that truly nourishes my spirit, mad as it is 😄

      Liked by 1 person

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