I Dreamt of This Girl

I dreamt of this girl
No-one I knew
She haunts me now I’m awake
I don’t remember her name
I’m not sure she gave it
It might be worse if she had

I don’t know how we met
She spoke as if she knew me
My sisters’ friend
A friend of a friend
It wasn’t clear
All I know is she liked me

She was fair skinned
Long dark hair in waving curls
Deep brown eyes that hypnotised
But her face, undefined
I remember thinking beautiful
Subtle, innocent, adorable

Small of height
I’d guess five foot two
Petite frame
Flirtatious curves
An incredible sight
A true feminine delight

We were young
Maybe eighteen
No more than twenty
The excitement reminiscent
Of a whirlwind teenage romance
The desires, intensely real

It began with a game
Almost paintball, but not
She wanted me in her team
The boys, my friends
Versus the girls and me
She the only one I’d really see

Everyone appeared to know each other
There were heated rivalries
I worked well with my team
Couldn’t tell if we were winning
It was presented like a video game
When shot re-spawning, it all felt real

I separated from the team, the girl in tow
Fancying ourselves to be marksmen
We hid, camping they call it
A crawlspace, little room to stand
An exposed gap, giving room to aim
An open view, a shooting gallery

We lay in silence
Awaiting our prey
I couldn’t concentrate
I kept staring
Her hair brushing my arm
Inches apart

Afraid to speak
Afraid to give away our advantage
Afraid others would join us
Heart in my throat
I wanted to know her
I wanted to hold her

There was a palpable tension
A desire to win this game
A desire to win her heart
We whispered strategies
The words unimportant
Our connection beyond words

It was a game, it wasn’t even real
Yet the dread was still there
I had to protect her
Whispering sweet nothings
“Aim for their heads”
Her whispered reply, electric

Taking fire from our hidden vantage
We cleared the field and retreated
Crawling till there was room to stand
Weapon dropped, disarming herself
Turning, disarming me with her smile
She sat on a ledge, beckoning me
We could finally have a chance speak

I don’t remember what was said
I know it captivated me
She made me feel alive
This was no simple dream
She and I were attuned
The game was no longer a factor

I felt the passions burning
A voice commanding me
A lucid control perhaps
Staring in awe at the girl
Her words melting all guard
I had to interrupt with a kiss

It was bold, unexpected
Pulling her in close
Gentle, intimate on parted lips
Fingers intertwined in her hair
She was shocked but elated
I was shocked but proud

Not as brave in reality
She inspired action in fantasy
Her words had sung to me
There was no dream here
Only two hearts together
Finding each other in fiction

Lowering her down on the ledge
My right hand clasped her left
The sensations were real
Synapses firing as tongues met
Chaste and romantic
All I ever wanted was that kiss

I remember her lips, not full and pouting
Not thin either, but soft and tantalising
No gloss, no balm, nothing but excitement
They’re touch sparked electricity through my veins
I felt we had only kissed for a moment
When time skipped ahead

My house, but from youth
It was full, everyone from before
No parents, a party I think
All wearing pyjamas
She was in my sisters’ old room
Alone, waiting, tempting

This time not so chaste
We both wanted more
Passions overwhelmed
Exploring her body
She teasing mine
Clothes remaining on, nothing risqué

Erotically charged imagery
Subconsciously arousing
Yet always interrupted
Always someone at the door
Still it didn’t matter
Being near her was enough

There was a true intimacy
She knew me
She only had to look at me
My heart would be aflutter
Falling hopelessly for her
For a dream
Yet it didn’t matter

We lay on the floor talking
Hidden under blankets
I remember her laugh
A heart-warming melody
The kind that you want to hear
Every day of your life

The bedroom filled with guests
It was time to sleep in the dream
I had to leave the room, girls only
We traded Twitter handles
How wonderfully bizarre
Even more so when I used my real one

I’ve no memory of hers
It wouldn’t do much good awake
Strange not to exchange phone numbers
But perfect sense in the dream
Logic isn’t necessary here
What I know is, it made us closer

I scrolled through her public profile
Stumbling onto salacious photos
There were quite a few of her
Stunned, in awe of her
Sultry smile, exposed curves
Temptress to my eyes

There was ever growing lust
But not overly sexual
She has an innocent vulnerability
Beautiful, enchanting but coy
I don’t remember the images clearly
Just the heat, astounding and arousing me

Messages went back and forth
What about, I do not know
A though springs to mind
Why would she make such photos public?
Oh no, please no, not now, too soon
Nothing worse in a dream ,than logic

Logic brings my waking mind
Both realities can’t coexist
Logic spells doom for fantasy
The dominant reality asserts
Realising the dream
Realising the fate of my girl

Trying to hold on
Everything slipping away
My invented reality crumbling
To be replaced with banality
No chance to say goodbye
Tears welling in my eyes

With that it would fade
No more shooting game
No more pyjama party
No more amazing girl
No more whirlwind romance
Woken to my solitary reality

My day has begun with loss
I lay in bed alone
Silently grieving
She’s gone, never here
The first love I’ve felt in forever
A mere figment of subconscious desire

All day I can’t shake her
I know she’s not real
My heart swells when I remember
I get butterflies
Cursing that I don’t know her name
Cursing that I may soon forget

The dream itself made little sense
Longing for her now I’m awake makes no sense
But she did
Though I can’t remember her words
Her spirit transcended
She was, is and will always be real

Could I truly fall in love
With this girl from a dream
It sounds silly to say out loud
Even sillier, that I may actually believe
All I’ve done is invent more heartache
But for a fleeting moment I was loved

I dreamt of this girl
Fair of skin
Full of life
For a moment she was mine
I hope to meet her again
Girl of my dreams, love of my life