The Poets Dilemma

For anyone that’s been paying attention, I’ve started posting here a lot more regularly.  At first I was just trying to find a home for a short story but I’ve been enjoying myself so much I really want to stay.  Recently I’ve been posting poetry and despite its obvious simplicity, It’s awakened something in me that I like.  I’ve never made anything I write public before, it’s always been for me.  Whether that’s due to a fear of how it would be judged or that I’m just not quite happy with it.  The only people that will ever have seen anything I’ve written have been objects of my affection and that is where my dilemma comes in.

 

I like to think I’m a romantic, very heart on my sleeve in personality, wanting to shout to the world how I feel.  This is a wonderful feeling when you’re in love, so many thoughts bouncing through your mind, sometimes you just need to get them out.  Poetry already has a stereotypical relationship with love and romance, so it’s the natural choice for a man like me who pretends to be a writer.  The problem is some relationships don’t last, some don’t even get started, but you’re left with all these unfulfilled desires and emotions.  Worse still if you’re like me, you have the evidence of your unappreciated affections.  Now I should state here I don’t want to come across as bitter, I’m sure anything I’ve wrote for anyone I’ve loved has been well received.  Yes the end result of the relationship was a failure but the feelings were all true and I shall never regret putting myself in a vulnerable position for love as the rewards far outweigh the risks.

 

When I write I tend to start by hand, pen to paper, scratching out concepts or copying down full formed ideas.  I have folders and note pads full of scribbles.  Very little is complete and the writing covers everything from poetry to novels.  I decided to re-visit my old files and notes because I’ve been spending more time here.  I thought that I could find some old project to breathe life into or inspiration for something new.  What I found straight away was the drafts of love letters and poems for the women I’ve loved.  I would like to hope that they still have the completed pieces and haven’t cast them aside as they done with me, but I still have all the notes and scored out pages.  I can easily put the completed pieces together either by pen or by keys and that’s the dilemma.

 

Despite personal emotion that goes into anything an individual write is a poem for someone more private?  I wonder what I can actually do with pieces like this.  Clearly I’ve kept them for a reason, clearly my love still remains.  It would be callous to just throw them away, what would that say about me as a person let alone my ideas of love.  If you are a writer of any description and are proud of the work you’ve done, wouldn’t you want to share them?  Yet is that a breach of privacy to the person you’ve wrote for?  I honestly don’t know how my past loves would react to me publishing a poem I wrote for them.  I would assume they wouldn’t care but that’s more me just having a low opinion of myself.  If you are the author does it matter where the inspiration came from, is the message not the same.  Love transcends gender, race and nationality.  Would a reader not find a poem written for someone specific more compelling?  As I leaf through the notes I’m filled with confusion.  I just don’t know where these scribbles belong.

 

I could leave them where they are to metaphorically gather dust.  Stumble upon them after a few years and remember these loves lost.  Is that fair to me?  I’m the one who wrote these declarations of love, why should I be afraid of them?  Would it be okay for something good to come from the remains of a broken heart?  Is there a moratorium of things like this?  Do I have to wait so long, get so much distance from me and that person before I can reclaim what I wrote?  Never with an eye to re-cycle but to celebrate something I felt long ago and wish to feel again.

 

Ultimately that’s where the dilemma stops me.  Is it disrespectful to publish something you wrote for someone else or can I salvage something beautiful from the carnage that followed?  As it stands right now I’m not sure.  Even if the answer is I can publish, I’m not sure I would.  There’s some small part of me still believing that maybe just maybe I might get a second chance.  For now I’m left to wonder if this affects anyone else and if this is truly a poet’s dilemma, or just my heart ruling over my head.

Advertisements

22 thoughts on “The Poets Dilemma

  1. rakhioverhere

    Obviously you can post it. When I wrote poems for my love. I wanted to show him. I thought, what’s the use of writing this and losing on site, If the person behind this doesn’t read and knows my emotions. So I emailed him. And, he said my poem touched his heart and made him cry.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The dilemma I have is the girls I’ve loved have seen the poems, it’s sharing them with everyone else now he relationships are over. I don’t know if it disrespects the relationships or whether they’re my emotions and I should be allowed to use them for art now the love has been rejected

      Liked by 1 person

      1. rakhioverhere

        Yes, I got you. I mean to say that you should share it with everyone. And, there was a small part of my experience. When I also had the same dilemma. So I can relate to this poem 😀 btw this is great 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thank you so much, im still so confused about it all. Getting my thoughts out helps but it’s still a scary concept to be considering revisiting words that were written for another who now rejects their romantics. Broken hearts can make great art but is mine strong enough to relive the past. As I said in the piece I’m not sure if I will post but knowing that you lovely people reading my blog believe that I can and should really make me more at ease. I’m so happy you like this, thank you!!!!

          Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much!! I’ve be going through old stuff and it inspired this train of though. I’ve been holding off posting it for a few weeks, little scared. Still a little confused if I’m honest. If there’s one thing I do well its heart on my sleeve…whether it’s a good or bad thing is always in flux. I do love it when I get an “amazeballs” from you, gives me a ridiculous smile.

      Like

        1. Ahaha oh “amazeballs”! Oh i really am my worst critic in so very much. I was scared because the writing I found gets me down cause there’s so much feeling in it and the inspirations responsible long gone. It’s a very unguarded piece and I had crazy thoughts that it would paint me in a poor light. I’m a little braver right now.

          Like

            1. Awww that’s utterly adorable. I love that to bits. Thank you, such a sweet sentiment. You’re way too kind. I’m rather glad you like it and don’t think it was too much. Thank you!!! ❤❤❤

              Like

                    1. I’ll send you the images before I head to bed, just so you can see it did exist. It barely lasted half an hour before review and was gone by midday. I’m really glad I took the screen grabs now. Well With all the glitter I believe he deserves something richer. I like Heathcliff the Hermit. Down on his luck but still likes to sparkle.

                      Like

                    2. I shall start work on it in the morning. “The continuing adventures of Heathcliff the Hermit” in the first epidoes kids go mining for diamonds in a cave but have mistaken the sparkles for gems when it’s actually the lovable hermit. Heathcliff proceeds to chase the kids deap into the caves and it turns into a suspense horror thriller. Ahaha!!

                      Like

                    3. Oooh a period piece story starts in the 90s and picks up in present day. It goes from horror thriller to noir mystery. There’s a new hermit case that attracts the government’s attention is it Heathcliff or someone new. rumours are Heathcliff had a hermit family and the glitter does in fact come from real diamonds….we’re the original kids right about the gem filled caves is the former chief of police really a hermit or a prospector digging for his fortune. Yer still the only thing I can think of is the 90s were 20 years ago and I feel old now. Ahahaha

                      Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s